Adventures in Dating

Ditch The Well-Meaning Dating Advice

There is lots of dating advice out there that sounds perfectly logical on the surface, but it is so wrong.

Lots of women tell me that their “best friend, mother, grandmother, aunt, co-worker,” gives them this sort of advice when it comes to men.

It might work with friends or family, but not with men in a dating scenario.

In the dating world, women need to keep a little mystery going on in the initial stages, and even beyond.

I wanted to go through five common pieces of wrong advice - in bold - I hear people passing along to women.

1. Many friends and family members will tell you to call a guy to ask him out. They think you need to call him to get on his radar, or because he might be too shy. But believe me if this guy has met you, you are already on his radar. He saw you in nanoseconds, probably quicker than you saw him. Plus, if a guy is too shy to ask you out, he's going to be too shy to propose, to initiate romance, etc. etc.

2. Another thing you will hear all the time is to "Return his call ASAP. It’s rude not to." In reality, you should not return calls that often. (Of course this sounds rude on the surface, but it's not when it comes to a man who is in love with you). He gets to experience the thrill of the chase. It gets boring for him if you are returning his calls right away, like a loyal employee. There is no mystery there and you lose some of your allure. So it's good for both of you if you follow this tip and rarely return calls or texts, unless he is asking for a date, or unless you are exclusive or engaged. And then you can return them, but sparingly. You need to pace the relationship.

3. He sent you flowers and your friends and co-workers will tell you that you need to call him stat and gush and gush and tell him "You’re a keeper."   You don't need to thank him for an extravagant date or for flowers. He will call you if he really likes you because he is excited to talk to you.
Of course, you would probably call back a friend or family member to thank them, but NOT a guy. Be careful because men and women are different. You have to do what works with men and what protects your heart and what makes him want you even more. When you call them, the chase fizzles and he starts losing interest.

4. Sleep with a guy right away. “You have your needs too. Why should you waste time with a guy you are not sexually compatible with?” Don't sleep with a guy for three months, even longer if you don't feel ready and if you aren't certain he really likes you.
Men will lose interest quicker after they have slept with you so you have to make sure that by the time you are sleeping with him, you are sure he is into you. If you sleep with a guy before he gets a chance to fall for you, the chase is over and you lose some of your mystery. Plus, you will start getting attached to him – it’s basic biology – and it will be even harder to pace the relationship.

5. Your friends and family may be telling you that you need to tell him right away, on the first date, about any illnesses you have and any bad things going on in your life. “It's not fair to him,” they will tell you. You may even agree and think they are right. These things are so personal, however, it's not necessary to tell the guy - who is essentially a stranger - on the first date. You may never see him again and why share something so personal so soon. Wait until you get to know him and until you know that he really likes you. Then work it in the conversation.
I am not saying to be dishonest, but don't bare it all on the first few dates, even if he grills you over personal matters. You can playfully sidestep the question or give a very light and breezy answer. Not deep at all. A guy who gets mad if you won't answer personal questions on the first date is not worthy of another date.