Don’t always listen to what men say!
Don’t let a guy trip you up with his words.
Actions are way more important.
It’s not that words are irrelevant. They are part of the whole package.
BUT, if the words aren’t matching the music, then you have a problem.
I get why you would want to take what a guy says at face value. Who doesn’t want to trust, and take what everyone says at face value?
When it comes to dating, and men in the initial stages of a relationship, you need to be careful, however.
Here is an example of something guys say that can easily trip you up!
He may say “I love you,” early on. Those words aren’t too shabby - I agree. But if he’s not consistently asking you out, if he’s not stepping up to the plate, and bringing up exclusivity, and moving things along, then the words are meaningless.
While you are having a hot and heavy evening together, he may blurt out: “I think I’m falling in love.”
He may not be trying to hurt you deliberately. Guys aren’t always trying to hurt a girl. They may feel it in the moment, but then they just aren’t sure you are the one and so they don’t follow up the way you want them to.
“I think I’m falling in love,” followed by weeks of silence is a hollow sentiment.
Meanwhile, “I think I’m falling in love,” followed by a guy who is in your life, moving things forward, seeing you on weekends and integrating you into his life, is what you are looking for.
The time you really want to pay attention to words is when he says something negative, like: “I would never want to marry again. My last relationship burned me forever.” Or, “I don’t usually date women who look like you. Most of my exes were models.”
Anything negative is not good.
So ladies, be smart. Don’t be seduced by words. As much as you would love sweet sentiments to be true, be patient and evaluate - via actions as well as words - whether he is the right man for you.
Ladies, if you feel like you are spinning your wheels and not finding high quality men, contact me for help. Because I want everyone to find LOVE, my rates this month of LOVE are half off on every course (except for my group coaching, which is already at a low price).
All you need to do is click here to apply.
If you have any questions, please email: email@example.com
If your search for Mr. Forever has hit a few snags, make sure you reach out! You don’t need to do this alone, and if price is an issue, I have a low cost group coaching option that you should take advantage of. Prices will be going up again Monday at midnight, so if you want in, it’s best to join right away to get the low locked-in price.
Do you want the best and most effective dating advice out there from a seasoned pro who has helped many women achieve the seemingly impossible: meeting and marrying their Mr. Forever?
The courtships you never believed were possible. The cute catch who is after you - you are no longer after the guy who doesn't want you back!
The flowers, the Saturday night dates, a cute guy to share Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve with.
This is what you will get in the group coaching course:
I worked as a matchmaker in NYC and in the uber richest part of Connecticut for several years. Working with men, I learned a ton about them, and will share the inside scoop with you. You really do want me in your corner! I know how men think. :)
If you join before the price goes up by MIDNIGHT Monday, the rate will never change. That's why it's important to get in now!
COST: $30 if you buy the monthly option and $50 for 3 months of coaching.
Again, the rates will be going up Monday (midnight of the time zone where you live), so lock this price in forever by purchasing the group coaching program now.
TO SIGN UP: All you need to do is email firstname.lastname@example.org for the payment link, and feel free to email if you have any questions at all. Once payment is taken care of, you will immediately be let into the Facebook group.
I can't wait to see you there, and start helping you find your Mr. Forever!!! Looking forward to you being my next success story.
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Ladies, if you feel like you are spinning your wheels and not finding high quality men, join my group coaching course, which has super special low rates right now. Prices are going up Monday at midnight!
It’s $30 if you buy the monthly option and $50 for 3 months of coaching.
Again, the rates will be going up Monday (at midnight of the time zone where you live), so lock this price in forever by purchasing the group coaching program now.
All you need to do is email email@example.com for the payment link, and feel free to email if you have any questions at all.
If you would like to apply to work with me through one of my private coaching programs, click here to apply.
Men tend to get a bad rap when it comes to being willing to commit to relationships. I’m sure I am not telling you anything new here - many women like to brand men as players, and jerks who simply don’t want to commit.
In my work as a dating coach, I have seen some truth to that stereotype, for sure. But I also have seen that there are a fair amount of men who can and will commit when it’s the right woman. They will commit when they are in love, and especially when a woman gives them space and when she doesn’t try to change them.
I also see another stereotype at play, involving women. Women get pegged as the clingy pursuers who are desperate to get married. While this is another stereotype that can sometimes be true, I have also noticed that many women have commitment issues as well.
Some women are so afraid of intimacy - due to childhood or other issues - they fear settling down. Sometimes they aren’t even aware of what they are doing, and they are on that hamster wheel, frustrated as to why things may not ever be working out in their romantic lives.
They may sabotage relationships time and time again.
Could this be you perhaps?
One of the traits I see in women who are afraid to commit is extreme pickiness about members of the opposite sex.
No one is good enough for them, and they remain single. They are looking for perfection, and can’t seem to find anyone who is good enough for them. Upon closer inspection and discussion with them, I often find that there are underlying fears there. Perhaps an ex hurt them so badly they have never been able to recover. Or their childhood was so dysfunctional they simply don’t believe they can ever find happiness with a man.
Instead of examining their fears, and figuring out a way to move past them, they spend their lives turning away really good guys. Not perfect men, but men who would make them perfectly happy.
Another surprisingly common behavior I see is that women fall for guys who are all wrong for them. What I believe is really happening is they are often recreating a pattern from their childhood, and many times they aren’t even aware of what is going on. A big part of what is going on is fear of commitment. These ladies will never commit to these unavailable men. In fact, these men aren’t in it for the long haul either. So there’s no worry about committing on either side.
The problem is when you date unavailable men you waste a ton of time, and don’t find the love that you truly deserve. Everyone deserves true healthy love, even if you don’t think you deserve it, and even if you think you will never get it based on your past conditioning.
The first step to conquer this issue is to recognize that you have this problem. If you see yourself in any of these examples, ponder the situation a bit. The first step in changing any problem is simply recognizing that there is a problem. Then, you can work on it.
Feel free to reach out to me as well, as I created a special course to help ladies with the crucial inner work, called MAN-ifesting Mr. Forever, which helps ladies with inner blocks that are keeping them stuck.
Ladies, if you feel like you are spinning your wheels and not finding high quality men, the answer could be due to subconscious dating patterns. Apply here to discuss whether I can help you in your search for Mr. Forever.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty - Winston Churchill
I talk to many ladies who are feeling despair over their dating and relationship life. Either they are frustrated that their boyfriend is not treating them right, or they are single and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, or they are feeling a loss of hope over a whole host of other factors.
With the holiday season in full swing, emotions can be magnified. It’s a beautiful time of the year - but if you aren’t in a good place it can be easy to sink into hopelessness.
I want to share something inspirational I just came across, something a friend texted me once, and it was so beautiful and helpful, I cut and pasted it and put it aside in a special folder of inspiring words.
I had been trying to get my business off the ground, but suffered a few setbacks in my business early on. Nothing out of the ordinary, but difficult nonetheless for someone who had no business, marketing or sales background. I was passionate about coaching, and was going to make it work, but that didn’t mean there weren’t trying times in the beginning.
Here’s are the words from a friend that made all the difference:
Be especially grateful for the really difficult moments. The really dark ones, when you start to question everything, that challenge you the most. It will really force you to become comfortable with being uncomfortable and learn to trust.
Always stay open and never say never. As you change and evolve as a person, your whole worldview can shift and change in an instant.
Just like these words touched me, I’m sure they will touch those of you who might be suffering a setback or difficulty of any kind - be it dating-related or in any part of your life.
How you react to your failures and setbacks is what will make or break you.
It might be hard to see when you are in the situation, but this is true. So embrace the failures. Stay as positive as you can throughout them. Just know - have faith - that you will get through it. Because you know what? You will.
This kind of thing is so hard to see in the moment, but if you can stick it out and have faith even in the darkest times, you will prevail. Giving up, and not learning from your setbacks and failures will keep you stuck.
When I look back at my business setbacks, and see them now through a different lens, I see how they propelled me much further ahead in my business, although I never would have thought so at the time.
The same can be said about any failure you may be dealing with: A relationship that had promise but simply failed. Or a broken off engagement. Or any romantic setback you regard as a failure.
Don’t let it get you down. Don’t let it make you cynical about love. Don’t let it cause you to give up totally on men. If you keep getting out there, using that mistake as a teaching lesson, you will be much better off than you were before.
Say, for example, your ex broke off your engagement, and you are shattered beyond belief. You are ready to crawl into a hole, declare all men jerks and live with your cats forever. Maybe that is how you feel initially, but you need to keep moving and also see your role in any equation. When you play the victim and when you don’t look on the bright side, you stay stuck.
It really comes down to a choice.
View that failure or setback in a way that will help you grow. Or view it in a woe is me way, which will keep you stuck.
It’s my experience that when something isn’t working, it’s best to let it go. It’s the universe saying: “This isn’t working. Let it go. Let’s make room for something else.”
Depending on the situation, it could be that the person was all wrong for you. Maybe they were simply a buyer beware who was going to hurt you even more in the future. Or it could be that you were all wrong, that you need to change - perhaps you are a negative person and were repelling the man you were involved with by constant nagging.
It’s hard to see any rejection or loss in the moment as a positive, but there is often a silver lining, and these rejections are often gifts if you are willing to look at them in that light.
It doesn’t mean you bury any problems, or ignore problems. It’s important to keep your eyes open and see what your role is in any situation. But try to see the silver lining, because there usually is a silver lining.
Ladies, if you are struggling with an issue related to dating, relationships or life this holiday season, APPLY HERE for a complimentary call to discuss ways I can help you.
Ladies, the inner game of dating is HUGE.
You can be beautiful and a great catch, but if your insides aren’t in the right place, it will be hard to find a quality guy.
Some women are unconfident, others simply believe they don’t deserve a good guy, while others sabotage because they have fears of commitment, or for other reasons.
Many ladies need a helping hand in their search for Mr. Forever.
That is why I have assembled for you a handy gift guide this season with gifts for the inner game that you can buy for yourself - or put on your holiday wish list - to help you in your search for Mr. Forever.
1. A Blank Journal
Whatever is going on externally is a manifestation of what is going on inside. Thoughts lead to your reality.
Journaling is one way to keep the inner game in a good place.
One journaling technique is to write out what you want, but don’t yet have, and normalize it. For example, you can write: “It is normal that I have…..”
The more you write it, the more you feel like it’s normal that you have it. If a goal doesn’t feel “normal,” it means you have more work to do to begin receiving it.
Journals can also be extremely gratifying because they show you how far you have come. I’ve looked back over the months and years and have seen certain dreams manifest, and that is SUCH a beautiful feeling.
2. Two High Vibe Courses to Jumpstart Your Search for Mr. Forever
These are the two courses I recommend, depending on your price point, and on the time and energy you have to devote to your search for Mr. Forever:
A) Getting Clarity on Mr. Forever
This is a 7-day course that will help you find Mr. Forever by showing you the tools to get clarity on what you are looking for. When you are super clear on what you want to manifest, the search is much quicker and smoother.
The course delves into getting clear on the right guy, and working on obstacles - any fears or worries or anger from a past relationship - that may be getting in the way. We work on blocks that come up, and I show you how to begin manifesting a great guy.
This course contains personal attention via email from me throughout the seven days.
B) MAN-ifesting Mr. Forever
This is a longer six-week course, which helps ladies who are on that hamster wheel trying to find Mr. Forever. I created the course after working with numerous beautiful ladies who were struggling to meet high quality men.
Many women have the strategy down, but they fumble because they don't have the right attitude, don’t think they are worthy, or for a variety of other reasons. The principals you will learn in this course are the MISSING LINK for so many ladies.
This course contains six lesson plans on a variety of important topics, like boundaries, femininity and confidence, and also includes personalized attention from me, including phone/Skype coaching.
3. A Daily Appointment Book
Having an appointment book - whether it’s a print one or a virtual one - will keep you on track and committed to get out to social events each week. When you are single, you need to be out and about, mingling and going places where you might meet Mr. Forever. It is way too easy to have a “Why even bother?” attitude when it comes to taking the right steps to find Mr. Forever.
When you don’t book the events in your daily planner, it’s easy to miss an event. You can be all gung ho, and excited for your weekly social events, but it’s so easy to lose your resolve when it actually comes time to do the work to doll yourself up and get to the event.
So to keep you on the fastest path to meet Mr. Forever, I suggest you get an appointment book of some kind, and make sure it’s filled weekly with at least three non-negotiable events.
4. Poster Board, Magazines, Glue and Scissors
This is all you need to make a vision board, which is a visual representation of what you want your life to be like. Making vision boards is like craft time with the universe. They are not only fun to make, but they are so very effective. Vision boards allow you to dream big, and when you ask for something, the universe very often delivers.
Now, I would love to hear from you. What is your go-to tool to keep your inner game strong around the holidays?
If you need more help navigating the holidays, apply for a complimentary call to discuss ways I can help you.
For some single ladies, the holidays are tough. From the dreaded: “Why are you single?” question at family get-togethers to the couple-oriented activities that remind them of what they might be missing, some ladies find themselves in a big funk this time of the year.
It doesn’t have to be that way!
Here are some suggestions to keep your spirits up this holiday season.
It’s an easy time to be social – there are lots of parties and fun opportunities abound.
Take advantage of all the parties and go OUT OUT OUT. Even if you have to go to parties alone. Go alone. Just go go go and the more you go out, the more people you will meet and the better you will feel. Also, sign up for online sites and just date up a storm.
Don’t Think You Can Do It All
Spreading yourself thin is no fun any time of the year, especially around the holidays.
Don’t think you have to be Martha Stewart, spending all week cooking up a picture perfect feast, and decorating your house out of something you might see in House Beautiful. Focus on one thing. If you are single, you will get more out of getting out there and mingling. You can have your Martha Stewart holiday the following year, when you find a great guy to share it with.
One thing I would suggest doing, however, if you can spare the time, is volunteering - even for one day - at a homeless shelter, food pantry or any other organization that is in great need of volunteers around the holidays. Not only will you be helping someone out, but it will give your mood a boost and take your mind off all your worries. You may realize you are luckier than you imagine you are.
Think Good Thoughts
Easier said than done sometimes. But so much in life has to do with your attitude.
Single women I work with often have negative self-defeating patterns in their head, like: “I will never meet a great guy.” If that thought pops in your head, gently turn it around. Tell yourself. “I have a great guy.” Say it with emotion and believe it. It will happen.
I really feel it comes down to a personal choice. You can choose to have a positive attitude or you can choose to stay stuck and unhappy. When you chose the positive path, all things are possible.
I’m a big fan of these, and not only around the holidays. Write down 10 things you are grateful for every day. Shifts happen quickly when you focus on thing in your life you are grateful for. Focus on the good stuff, and you get even more of it.
Now, I would love to hear from you. What is the biggest thing you are dreading this holiday season? What are you most looking forward to?
If you need more help navigating the holidays, apply for a complimentary call to discuss ways I can help you.
When I was in my teens and twenties, men seemed so complicated. I had no idea how to act, and it seemed as if I was always getting hurt, or misreading signals.
I made excuses for men who weren’t stepping up to the plate.
After a great deal of heartache, I finally “got” men after being taught by a few great mentors. It was such a life-changing AND life-enhancing experience, I trained to become a dating and relationship coach, and my whole career path changed.
Men became crystal clear. They were no longer difficult to understand, nor was I confused any longer.
Once you understand men, life is not only so much easier, but your relationships with men become better and you’re more likely to find your Mr. Forever.
When it’s not meant to be, you can read the signs very easily and gracefully let go of a situation. You no longer spend time with men who aren’t in it for the long haul.
You date men who are truly interested in you.
You aren’t distracted at work, like I would often be, wondering why a guy hadn’t called, or feeling insecure about where I stood.
I notice that clients and other women I talk to often get confused by signs.
Sometimes they even think negatively about something that actually isn’t that bad. Like, if a guy is always 15 minutes late for a date, they think he’s disrespecting them. Or, they think if a guy doesn’t text them non-stop during the week that he’s fooling around on them. In my experience, both of those scenarios - lateness and a lack of texting - aren’t in and of themselves reasons to find find big fault with a guy.
Once you get good at this, you know who to keep in your life and who to say “NEXT” to.
You weed out time-wasters and only allow in your life quality men who are interested in treating you like a princess.
Here are key things to look for:
He mentions the future. Maybe not in an obvious way like: “When we are married…” But he talks about his hopes, dreams and plans.
He’s on his best behavior. He tries to impress you. If you are gluten free, he’s sure to find a gluten-free restaurant. He pays for dinner. Holds the door for you. Drives to your area for the date.
He remembers things you have told him, such as how “The Walking Dead” is your favorite show, and he makes future plans with the show in mind, i.e. looking for “The Walking Dead” zombie parties, buying you paraphernalia from the show, that sort of thing.
He tries to integrate you into his life, and wants you to meet his friends, family and pets.
He buys romantic gifts, flowers, jewelry, cute objects that remind him of you, gifts for your pet, and more. He’s also been known to send you handwritten cards and letters.
Thumbs up if you are dating a guy and all five are present.
If not, and you’re looking for extra help finding Mr. Forever, apply here for a complimentary call to discuss possible ways I can help you.
Get online! Get back on the horse.
That's the single best tip I can give you after a break-up. Hands down.
It’s what I told co-hosts Barb Hazelton and Jo Briggs who interviewed me as part of a massive divorce podcast series they put together.
One of the questions they asked me was whether a newly single person should wait before starting to date again.
The conventional wisdom is that after a break-up, you should take a lot of time to analyze what went wrong, and work on your issues before you date again. In my opinion, that’s wrong, for several reasons.
As a dating coach, I see too many people, ladies especially, waiting way too long to get back out there, and then several years go by and they wonder where the time went. Too often women spend way too much time analyzing a prior break-up, so much so that they spend years being angry at their ex, while he has already moved forward.
While I believe you should look inward and examine your role in the break-up or any issues you think you could improve upon, I also believe that getting back out there will make you feel better. You might find a good guy who will distract you and get you out of the negative funk you are in.
You can work on your issues and become a better person while you are navigating the dating waters. If you get back on the horse, and pace any new relationships - which is what I recommend to my dating coaching clients - you won’t be jumping back into the fire right away anyhow. You will be taking it slow, which is healthy.
You can’t go wrong if you take it slow.
On the video, I also discuss with Barb and Jo clothing tips and suggestions for those awkward first dates, and more.
Even if you aren’t divorced, but are simply single, these tips will no doubt be helpful.
To watch the video, click here.
I'd love to hear your ideas on the topic of dating immediately after a break-up, and
any other topics discussed in the blog or in the video. Post away below.
If you are newly single, or if you have been single for a while, you may need tools to help you find your Mr. Forever. Get in touch to apply for a 30-minute call where I can explain to you how I can help you find your Mr. Forever in the next year.
After you fill out the short application form, I will be in touch if I think we will be a good fit to work together, and I will schedule a call with you.
Dreams Can Come True
They can happen to you, like they did for my client who married a "wonderful man" this holiday season.
She met him online about a year ago and joined my closed dating group in July.
He approached her online and asked her out quickly! "He talked to me first...rules all the way. He asked for my number with in 4 exchanges."
Usually, when a guy really likes you, he asks you out quickly. No use at all being pen pals with a guy online.
Check out the gorgeous ring and earrings she got when he proposed!
Ladies, hold out this coming New Year for the one who loves you back! Cheers!
A picture is worth a thousand words.
It's a cliche, but when it comes to online dating, that saying is so true.
Guys are visual, so your online dating photo is crucial. They are attracted to you physically or they aren't.
Use at least two photos for your online dating profile - a headshot and a full body shot. Have a professional photographer take the photos, and if that is not an option, have a friend do it. But make sure you glam up beforehand. Get a makeover (don't forget the false eyelashes, which make your eyes pop)! I can't tell you how many clients have changed their look, gotten professional photos taken, and gotten way more hits!
The written part of the profile is important too, but not in a way many women think. It's better to leave the heavy duty personal stuff out. They don't care - at least not right away - about your hopes and dreams. Just keep it very light, short, sweet and visual.
I know a Rules girl who uploaded a photo, went to write her profile and stopped halfway through because she got interrupted, and guys emailed her like crazy anyway. When men asked why her profile was sparse, she said she had been too busy to finish it, which was the truth! A rulesy answer if there ever was one.
If you say too much you run the risk of boring him. You lose your mystery. Don't get too deep here, even if you are deep, because guys aren't going to initially fall for you because you are deep, and they will be turned off if you get too intense or emotional, or are angry sounding.
The headline that goes with the profile should also be visual, it should describe you physically.
If you are inclined to write in your profile that you admire a humanitarian like Mother Teresa, perhaps hold off on that sentiment and include which celebrity you admire or which celeb you look like.
When I first put up an online profile, I consulted with Rules authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider about mine. In my original profile draft, I wrote that I admired Mother Teresa. Ellen and Sherrie told me to take that out and instead write that I admired Princess Di. This exchange is detailed in the original online dating rules book, "The Rules for Online Dating.'' Page 39 highlights our back and forth. I was fairly new to The Rules and didn't realize then just how visual my profile should be.
While I love Mother Teresa and will always admire what she has done for humanity, I realized then what they were getting at. Guys might appreciate Mother Teresa and her great deeds, but they probably wouldn't be attracted to her physically and would not want to date her. Through my words, I needed to convey hot, sexy, light and breezy.
You get the picture!
For more tips, contact Karenna Alexander at firstname.lastname@example.org