Here's a funny dating story I think my single lady fans would appreciate. I know a lot of you single ladies are frustrated at times while searching for your Mr. Right. Just realize wacky and weird - as well as frustrating and disappointing - situations happen to everyone while dating. Even the bold and the beautiful. Those with stunning looks who have it all. No one is immune to boorish or immature men. Or men who are buyers beware. Or men who prefer a casual girlfriend to something deeper.
One gorgeous client told me a story that is so wacky, I thought I should share it, so you realize you aren't alone:
OK, so she was dating online and this man who was nearly 20 years older than her, and just average in every way, kept pestering her. Like for weeks. He seemed nice, but nothing sparked an interest, so she told him she wasn't interested. He continued to pester her and tell her funny jokes. Finally, she thought: "OK, what harm will one date do?" He does seem funny and nice.
So she agreed, and he was excited, and started to plan the date.
The problem was, he wanted her to drive an hour to his area to meet him at his favorite restaurant. She was like: "Sorry, it would be better if you met me here," referring to her area.
This lady is model gorgeous and the thought her of driving in her high heels and tight skirt, an hour to meet this guy on his turf (this guy who was pestering her to date him), was laughable.
Plus, she thought, he's older than me and of that generation that should appreciate chivalry, doesn't he get chivalry?
When she told him her area was better, he said: "OK, next time you are in my area, call me and we can meet."
Of course she ignored his email and she quickly emailed me, and we both were shocked.
A lot of men do complain that they can't get a girlfriend, but the reason is sometimes quite clear, when looking at it from afar. If this guy was too lazy to do the drive for a gorgeous hottie, I can't imagine what he is bringing to the table in a real relationship.
Anyhow, I'm sure you ladies have similar crazy stories. Feel free too share them with me by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org, where I personally read every email. And if you wish, let me know if I can share them (anonymously of course) on my Facebook fan page, where I also share "Online Dating Disasters" in a special album. Here is the link to my fan page below if you want to check it out.
Just remember, you aren't alone out there, women all over the world are having similar experiences. The thing is, if you stick it out, you may meet your Mr. Right online as so many of my clients are eventually meeting great guys online. Sometimes it takes perseverance, but like anything else you have to be in it to win it or else forget it.
I know there are certain things my over 50 daters struggle with that their younger counterparts don't.
*** You may have just gotten out of a marriage or long relationship, and have no idea what online dating is all about, never mind all this terminology, like "swiping," and "ghosting." It's a whole new world that you aren't even sure you want to be part of.
***Other issues I notice the over 50 daters facing include lack of confidence in many areas. Including looks, but also confidence in general.
It could be that a bad marriage or bad ex really did a number on you. A lot of people say "never again," because they failed the first time and don't have the tools to succeed again. Or the faith that the next one will be THE ONE.
*** Or it could be purely physical - you just don't feel sexy or don't feel like men want you any longer. I have to say I have 60 plus daters getting into romantic and sexy relationships. You can be in your sixties or even older and still be a heartbreaker. And it's not all about being model gorgeous! Some if it is learning how to dress for men, and other inner and outer tools.
These concerns or problems you are having can be easily remedied.
There is a guy out there who will be attracted to you, whatever age you are at. You do need to do certain things on the inside and outside, but all are tweaks that are do-able.
I often find that confidence runs the show when dating, no matter what the age. So working on getting confident is key. You do that by looking good on the outside, and learning to dress for men is important.
As a matchmaker who has worked with men for several years, I know what they are thinking, and what they like. And it's not always what you think. Too many women don't get this, yet when you learn to dress for men - no matter what your age - you will attract a great guy. It's how men are wired, and one key thing that just works.
Some of you may have just gotten out of a long relationship or a marriage and have no idea how to date, so you may need someone to hold your hand as you get back into the dating game.
If you are looking for more help, fill out this short form to apply to work with me. My private coaching packages range from small 7 day packages to longer monthly ones, and I also have a small group coaching program. My clients are weeding out time wasters, getting engaged and married.
Don't you want to be next? xoxo
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NARCISSISTS and BUYERS BEWARE got you down?
I feel horrible when women have given up on love and tell me they are "happily single," when I think deep down they are simply afraid to get back on the horse because they have been damaged by a NARCISSIST or by a MAJOR BUYER BEWARE.
THERE ARE STRATEGIES TO HELP!!
I have researched this topic a great deal and have dating strategies to help you spot these men and stop them in their tracks.
Often times, narcissists are very charming and it can be difficult to tell if they truly like you in a healthy way, or if they are simply trying to love bomb you into submission.
Don't feel bad if you have been fooled before. Often times, narcs are very manipulative and outwardly charming and appealing. Sometimes there is a fine line between healthy love at first sight or a manipulative narc.
Once you are in a relationship with one, it is harder to extract oneself, so it's better to learn strategies to avoid them before getting into such a situation.
One strategy that is helpful to prevent you from falling for one, or getting sucked into one of these unhealthy relationships with a buyer beware, is to go very slow. Pace the relationship in the beginning. Usually, when you take a relationship slow, a narcissist or any buyer beware personality type reveals their true colors and this is when you can get out quickly, without getting too hurt.
If you need more help dating and weeding out narcs and other buyers beware, I would love to help you.
It's an issue that has come up throughout the many years of my dating coaching practice with many clients, and I have helped them weed out these men, and get them engaged and married and into happy relationships.
I can help you in a group coaching setting or through private coaching. Email me at email@example.com if you would like to know more about how you can avoid these men and find a great guy. A beautiful fulfilling relationship is within your reach, no matter what your background. Don't look back, look forward to all the exciting possibilities.
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If you are having trouble finding the man of your dreams, you are probably not doing all you can to put your best foot forward.
You may be wasting time and money on designer clothes or make-up that does not do one thing to increase his desire for you.
Don't waste time or money.
My special DRESSING FOR MEN package is a very small investment into your future.
There are certain things you need to do to dress for men. It's not quite about designer purses or high-end makeup. As a former matchmaker who worked exclusively with men, I learned a ton about them and know what they are thinking. It's not what women think. Many women are wasting time on the outer things that don't matter.
The principals are actually quite simple, but too many women are making mistakes and losing precious time, and losing out on the type of men they want to date. I run into many women who are looking to date attractive men who are real catches but these women aren't doing all they can with their appearance.
You can make all the excuses you want, but if there's not a spark on his end, you can't ignite it by being smart and beautiful on the inside. (Those things help, of course!) But you have to be beautiful on the outside too, and it is something that every single woman out there can do, no matter what your age or whether you were born with model looks or not.
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Good luck! Mr. Forever is well within your reach! Sometimes you just need a little help!
I am a coach for women so I write from that perspective on my social media pages. My coaching is geared to helping women with bettering their dating lives, making their relationships happier.
I think men are great. I have brothers, who I love, and good male friends, many of whom I talk to about their struggles with dating.
While talking to a good friend of mine - one I have known for decades - I realized how confused he and other men are in this day and age of dating.
My friend says he was brought up to be chivalrous but he's not sure women want him to be that way.
He lives and works in the tri-state area, and said he was recently holding a door open for a woman and she told him: "I know how to open a door."
She walked away from him to another set of doors and opened them herself. I imagine that this woman acts similar in relationships.
My friend said this incident isn't an isolated case, it's happened before to him and his friends.
I think a lot of men out there are confused about what women want. I know many of the ladies reading this believe in courtship, and want a respectful man who believes in courtship. They want to be with a man who picks them up, drives to their area for dates, brings flowers or other romantic gifts, pays for dates, and moves the relationship forward.
But not all women want that. Some women want to be the same as the man in the relationship, which is where relationships get massively screwed up. (Women should be equal to men, but we are NOT the same as men).
They think it's OK while dating to meet him halfway or on his turf. To split the bill or pay for him. To make the dinner plans and plan all the vacations. (When married things change and of course a woman can make dinner plans then and have dinner at his house etc etc. What I’m talking about now is dating and courtship.) They think they should buy him gifts, do work around his house to make his life easier, help him with problems in his home life and at work, and move the relationship forward. (Again, these women are just dating the guy, they aren't even engaged or married and they are acting like a wife). Many women do this in the beginning of the relationship, and they end up in relationships that are practical, boring and often end up disastrous. With absolutely no spark. If it does turn into a long term thing, such as marriage, it's like they are friends living together. Women in these scenarios have complained to me: "Well, he never buys me romantic gifts," or "He never makes any important decisions about the relationship," or "He never moves anything forward, it's always me moving things forward."
You can't have it both ways unfortunately. You can't be the aggressor early on, and then expect a guy to all of a sudden take the lead.
Thankfully most of the women on this page understand this.
Sometimes the women I work with find that men naturally know how to court. But other times, they may not. So don't automatically “next” a guy who asks to meet halfway, or who tries to cook you dinner at his house on a third date. Some men are spoiled by women who drive to him, hang out at his house on a first or second date, sleep with him right away and more.
Also, a guy may not be as chivalrous as we would like: They may not open doors, or make sure your water glass is full at dinner, or walk around to your side of the car to help you out.
The best you can do is train them on the more serious things, and let the other things go. If it's a safety thing, it's something you shouldn't let go. If a guy is dropping you off at your house and leaving before you get inside, you need to mention it, as it's truly life and death. If he has no idea it's a nice thing to fill your water glass at dinner or pull out your chair so you can sit before him, let that go.
When it comes to other key aspects of dating, like meeting a man halfway, or driving to his house for dinner on a third date, you obviously need to stand your ground. Some men need to be trained in these areas as well because they have been so spoiled by other women. Men who really like you, will figure out what they need to do to see you. The ones who aren't that crazy about you, will fall off, but that's a good thing because it's leaving you space for your Mr. Right to fill!
So moral of this story is that not all men are jerks! Some are confused about courtship, so keep that in mind. The little things don't matter much, but yes, you may have to train him on the bigger things. A guy who likes you will easily be trained. And the less ardent ones fall off.
Birthdays and holidays like Valentine's Day are a big deal! So big. In fact, if a guy you have been dating for a while - say longer than six months - gives you a bad birthday you should thank him! Thank him for showing you his true colors sooner rather than later.
You never want to waste time with a guy who isn't in love with you. Who has one foot out the door. Who prefers a bachelor life to one with commitment and love and marriage. Or who is simply a "buyer beware." A guy in love who sees a future will treat you special on your birthday. Will plan a special dinner, or a weekend away with you, buy you a romantic gift or gifts, and give you a card telling you how much you mean to him. If he can't be there on the day of the birthday, he will send flowers and call. Or send something romantic to let you know he's thinking of you. It’s not necessarily about how much he spends and not necessarily just about gifts. But it’s that when a guy is in love and sees a future, he wants to make you feel special, wants to make you happy. He wants to win you over essentially.
Personally and when working with clients, I have found this to be spot on. Men in love will buy jewelry or other romantic gifts, and will write hand-written cards and send flowers. They will buy things to make you feel special. Tell you how much they care because they want you to feel special. Drive hours to take you to a favorite restaurant or locale that they heard you mention once when you first started dating, for example. They plot and plan because it's so much fun for them to make you happy. They will do all they can to be there on the day of your birthday. After all, you are their girlfriend and especially if it's your first birthday together, they know to make it special. These are the courtships you deserve and the type of men you ladies deserve. Unfortunately not all birthdays turn out the way you would like. Some turn out downright horrible, as in the case of client who gave permission for her story to be used to help others. Basically, she really liked the guy and thought he liked her back. They were together every weekend, had fun Saturday night dinners, and she enjoyed being with him. "Everything seemed to flow easy, it was fun to be with him. He was reliable, nice and made me laugh and I just felt good and comfortable around him." Yet, her birthday came and went and nothing. Later in the day of her birthday the doorbell rang, and she thought it was flowers from him apologizing for not being there. She knew in her heart, she said, that it still wasn’t quite enough as basically he hadn’t planned anything and guys usually will plan these special days out weeks beforehand. It could have taken the sting out. Instead, it was a food delivery. Then, it got worse. She didn't hear from him at all. No text even. No call. WHAT? She thought. "We have been sleeping together for almost one year, what is going on?" The next day she got a friendly Happy Birthday text, which apparently he sent on the day of her birthday but the text didn't make it to her on the day of her birthday because of bad cell reception. "OK, I'm thinking, at least I have a happy birthday text and in the text, he said that we would celebrate the upcoming weekend." But part of her was ready to break up because he essentially skipped her birthday and really left her hanging her whole birthday. "Who does that? Certainly not a serious boyfriend who I’m sleeping with. That’s how a casual friend might handle my birthday.” Then she decided to wait to break up and see what he would plan the upcoming weekend. Maybe she was being rash, she thought. Maybe he had a surprise. He had a lot on his plate, maybe he hadn't been able to plan anything and was going to make up for it. Maybe there would be a special "celebration" like he had mentioned in the text. "The upcoming weekend comes, and in the car on the way to the date he hands over two bags, 🛍 and that was the celebration." "The gifts were nice and romantic, yet no card. No celebration." “Oh I think he did ask me ‘did you have a nice birthday? Did you have a cake?’ and I wanted to say something right there but I didn’t.” "It's not about being a diva, it's just that I wanted to know that I meant something to him and it was clear that the birthday was an afterthought, that I was an afterthought. That the 'celebration' was just a word that wasn't backed up with any actions." "I had already been planning all the intricate things I wanted to do for his birthday, the special things I wanted to buy, which restaurant I wanted to buy him dinner at (yes I'm a believer in an old-fashioned courtship, where the guy pays and asks me out, and moves things forward, yet a birthday is an exception and I was actually looking forward to buying him dinner and making it special for him, and it was in such stark contrast to what he did for me.") She said she is glad she learned sooner rather than later that this guy wasn't in it for the long haul. And he wasn't. They broke up soon after. So ladies, the signs are there. Sometimes it's confusing, like in the above case, where she did get a romantic gift in the end, but considering all the other circumstances surrounding the birthday - acknowledgement of her birthday coming after the actual birthday, and even then it was lackluster and a bit cold. No birthday plans, no card, no flowers. No "celebration," as he had promised. "It felt like he was doing the bare minimum to keep me around, not sure for what." Sometimes the way to get a reading on a relationship is to wait for a birthday or special occasion like Valentine’s Day. These occasions can tell you a lot without even asking. Can anyone relate? Did you ever get a lackluster birthday the first year of dating? If so, how did the relationship go? What about the opposite? Did you ever get a great birthday and how did the relationship progress?
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