When I was a gung-ho journalist in my 20s, getting a master's degree in journalism from Columbia University, I had no idea I would become a dating coach someday. In fact, I had no idea dating coaches even existed.
But in my late 20s, I remember being frustrated because I wasn't able to find that special connection with a man. I was to blame, in part, because I had my own commitment fears, and I seemed to attract similar men.
But luckily, I learned about courtship around this time, and my whole life changed. I write more about this, on the Positively Positive blog, explaining how dating helped me evolve into my higher self.
Around this time, I became a dating coach to help other women, teaching them about the benefits of modern date courtship.
Check the blog out, and let me know what you think!
Tinder and other online dating sites can work like a charm.
In fact, approximately 80 percent of my clients have met boyfriends and husbands on Tinder, Match, Coffee Meets Bagel, Plenty of Fish, and other apps. Others have met through friends or real life.
Many women are still confused and making mistakes online, though. One area where women mess up is in their bios.
If you put the wrong stuff out there to the Tinder universe, you won't get the right stuff (Mr. Right) back.
Here are 5 things NOT to do:
💋 Don't include photos of you with anyone else.
Leave out photos of you with other friends (male or female). Eliminate family members (kids or parents or grandparents). Don't post snaps with your pets. Men want to see you, and only you. So many men tell me it drives them crazy when they see photos of women posing along with several others. Besides being confusing, it kills the mystery.
💋Don't write about what you don't want.
When you write about what you don't want on Tinder, you put out negative energy. When you say: "If you're a player, go away," men start to wonder what it is about your personality that attracts players. You also sound damaged, whether or not you are. Plus, even when you say you don't want a player, a player can still ask you out.
💋Don't include old photos in your profile.
Even nice men have told me they cut dates short when a woman misrepresents herself. Make sure you look awesome in your photos, as great as you would look on a date or on a night out on the town. You can put photos through a filter, but don't alter the photos too much.
💋 Don't show men a window into your soul too soon.
These men are strangers. Don't write a book. There are only a few details you need to include, such as age and locale, and a few hobbies and interests.
You can include your profession, but it's best to be general so men can't track you down too easily. You might even want to consider using an "online dating' name. It could be a middle name or a nickname. This keeps you somewhat anonymous, which is what you want in the beginning, until you know you're with a good guy. If you include your dating history, deep wants and desires, work triumphs, and major life epiphanies, you're oversharing. Your profile will start to sound like a Lifetime movie. At this early stage, think: "Short, sweet and upbeat."
💋 Don't lie about your age.
You want a man who wants someone who is your age. When I was a matchmaker, I was doing a search for a client who was 10 years younger, using my own profile, and listed my age as 10 years younger. After we stopped working together I forgot to change the age on that profile, and I ended up meeting and dating a man who approached me online. Even though we dated for many months, something was off about that relationship. I truly feel he would have been weeded out from Day 1 if I had listed my correct age.
One final tip: You need to be in it to win it, so make sure you try online dating.
If you'd like more online dating help, you can purchase an online dating package from me for $249, where I critique one online dating profile (photo and text). The package also includes 30 minutes of phone or email/text follow up.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org to sign up for that package, and write ONLINE DATING PACKAGE in the subject line.
I get it. I've been there. You're a busy smart woman with a full life who isn't sure she even has time to date.
Dating online and in real life— setting up profiles, responding to messages, attending singles-type events, and actually going on dates — can be like another full-time job.
This is why it's important to have a dating strategy.
If you follow these 3 essential tips, you will weed out time wasters very fast.
First of all:
1. Let a man ask you out first. Men know what they like. They have types. If they aren't moving a relationship forward by asking you out, cut your losses and move on to the one who asks you out.
2. Hold out for Saturday night dates. If a man isn't with you on Saturday nights, it means he's on the prowl for someone else or with someone else. (Exceptions are for work and family situations). Not all men get courtship — they may be spoiled — in which case you can subtly train a man to ask you out for Saturday night.
3. Don't see a man again if he asks you to pay or split the bill. When a man is very interested in you, and he's a good guy, he will pay. He will want to woo and impress you, and paying for you is a big part of this. A man who feels that special thing for a woman wants to provide and protect her. He wants to feed her.
If a man makes it through all these three hoops after several consistent Saturday night dates, this means you have a serious contender.