Where is He?
Top 8 Places for Single Ladies To Meet Men!
Many of my clients are upscale professional women who have it all - the career, the friends, the lifestyle.
They have everything, except for that special someone to share it with.
They may have focused on their career first and foremost, putting the important relationship goal last.
Or, they may be newly divorced, having married their high school sweetheart.
I hear from upscale single women all the time, and foremost on their minds is where to meet men!
Now that they are in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond, they notice that the dating pool is not as plentiful as it was when they were in their teens or twenties.
Many of my upscale single clients relate to Charlotte in the Sex and the City episode, when she blurted out: “I have been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he!?”
As a dating coach who has worked with women for 15 years, and a matchmaker who has insight into men and what they are searching for, I want to give women a list of places where they can go to up their chances of meeting men.
This list isn’t intended to be an exhaustive or exclusive list. There are many other places for upscale women to meet men, and it’s hard to know where it will happen for you. While you are waiting for your guy, you want to up your chances as much as possible, and this list will get you moving.
Make sure you read to the end for an important piece of advice. Let’s get started!
Try happy hours everywhere, and preferably do it alone. Try upscale restaurant bars, and all the cool places in your area. Even if the hip place is, say, for example, a beer garden or a newly opened pub with craft beer, give it a try because it may attract an upscale after work crowd who go there to unwind. Happy hours at steakhouses and golf club restaurants are great to try, too.
Do a little research in your neck of the woods. Find out where the hot spots are, and try them out. You don’t have to stay anywhere longer than an hour.
If you stay there all night, you start looking like a barfly, and you don’t want that. Also, the later and later you stay out, the drunker and younger the crowd gets anyhow.
You may say you don’t want to meet men in bars. But you do want to get out and be seen. Your Mr. Right might be there.
You may try this and after several times just give up, thinking it’s not working. And it may not work after 10 or so times. Perhaps it will after the 11th try. And even if your guy never turns up at happy hour (who knows, you may meet him online or through a friend or through a matchmaker), at least you are forcing yourself to get out and about.
You are single, after all. It’s better to get out and mingle than to stay home.
You don’t have to drink. In fact, I recommend you don’t drink. Or limit yourself to one glass so you aren’t sloppy, and so you can move on after an hour and be efficient about this.
Sometimes this is a lot of work for women. It feels like getting a tooth pulled. They would prefer to stay home. If it’s easier, bring a friend with you. (Better to go with a friend, than not at all). But the reason I say go out alone is because guys are more likely to approach you alone. Plus, when you go out with a friend, you can’t be as efficient. She may want to stay for 3 or 4 hours, drinking all night, and that is not productive at all.
Going out alone does get easier the more you do it.
Some of my clients have to make deals with themselves. They would prefer to go straight home after work. But they know it’s in their best interest to go out, so they figure out a way to treat themselves afterward. Tell yourself you can splurge at Sephora. Or allow yourself a chocolate bar. Any deal you can make with yourself that works.
One client forces herself to do one hour out right before she meets her girlfriends for dinner at another hot spot. Another client who is a film buff, treats herself to a film on Netflix.
Even if you are meeting a bunch of girlfriends at an art gallery afterward, I would suggest trying to get at least an hour in at a bar beforehand. Your Mr. Right might be there, and may approach you while you are there.
Here are other places to try:
Car and Boat Shows
Car and boat shows are great places to meet men. You can volunteer at these shows. Or just show up for a few hours. Not everyone will be single, but some single men will show up to these events. Keep your eye on anything in your area that has the word car or boat in it.
Outdoor Summer Venues
During the warm months, most regions have restaurants known for hosting outdoor bands. Sometimes these are on Thursday or Friday nights, or Sunday afternoons. It depends where you live. Find out where to go in your area, and just go!
For example, if you are in NYC in the summer, there are tons of outdoor venues, including rooftop bars. In the summer in other states, like Connecticut, you may have to look harder, but every region has “the place to go.” The Connecticut dating scene gets a bad rap sometimes because Connecticut is uber family oriented. There are several hots spots for Connecticut daters, though, including one popular spot in Fairfield County - the outdoor patio at Pearl at the Inn at Longshore. One of the best days to go is on Sunday afternoon. This venue has a gorgeous view of the Sound, the sunsets are out of this world, and the patio area gets an upscale crowd. (There are blue velvet couches inside - swoon!!)
Another warm weather hot spot for daters is L’Escale on the water in Greenwich, CT. Greenwich daters and those in surrounding towns fill the gorgeous restaurant in the summer months.
Married people do go to charity events to see and be seen in their community. So do eligible men and women. You should go go go. Amal met George at a charity event.
Getting out and mingling with people who are charity minded is good for the soul. Even if you don’t meet a man there, you may meet a new circle of friends who know of a good guy.
Cigar, Beer or Whiskey Events
These events typically draw a large crowd of men. You will get groups of married men, and my advice is to stay away from married men. Single men also go. Even if you don’t have an interest in cigars, or beer, or whiskey, you can go and mingle. Some women worry what to tell men who ask why they came to the event. You don’t need to act desperate and say “Oh, I am here to meet men.” Maybe rehearse a response on your way in, so you don’t feel awkward when asked. Sometimes I work with clients who are uncomfortable in these situations, helping them figure out what to say. In the end, though, if your Mr. Right is there, he will probably be so glad to meet you, he won’t care what you are doing there. He will just want your phone number.
Upscale Singles Events
Get on the mailing list for all of them. Try them all once. There are many groups out there, arranged by age and region and hobbies. Some are better than others. There are also many social groups out there - many with a focus on business or technology or sports - that aren’t labelled as singles groups, but do have a lot of single people in them.
Organizers of those groups don’t like to label them as “singles” events because they worry the label will deter many people who think “singles event” equals being desperate. Do some scouting for those groups in your region.
If you hire a reputable matchmaker, you can up your chances of meeting a great guy. Many upscale professionals turn to matchmakers to meet their match. Besides being a dating coach, I am also a matchmaker and a big draw for my matchmaking clients is time savings and privacy. I do a ton of vetting for them, and I am discreet.
If you don’t feel as if you can afford a matchmaker, call around to matchmakers in your area and ask to be put in their free database. Like I tell people who ask about my free database, I could have someone for you tomorrow, or six months from now, or never. It all depends on whether I get a client who is looking for someone like you.
Online dating has been responsible for so many marriages and relationships that it would be silly to poo poo it. I realize many upscale women avoid it like the plague. They worry about what people at work will say if they see them online, etc. etc.
Honestly, in the end, it doesn’t matter much what other people online think of you. What other people think of you is not your business. In the end, your happiness should matter more.
Even though I am a matchmaker and believe in the power of matchmaking, I also tell clients to go online because many people do find their significant other online. There is a large pool out there online.
I suggest trying a mix of sites, including well-known ones that are very popular - like match.com and Tinder - and the more elite online apps like Raya and The League. This list is ever evolving, so ask around to see what the latest and greatest sites are in your region.
Yes, ladies, this all sounds like work, I know. If you want to find a great guy sooner rather than later, however, you have to turn this search into a job and be as diligent at this job as you are at your full-time jobs!
Look, no one can guarantee exactly where and when you are going to find your Mr. Right, but if you’re single, you need to get out of your house, and out of the office - and into the real world. Even if you don’t meet Mr. Right that way, you are getting one step closer.
You are getting out into the world, and into the swim of things, signaling to the world you are open and taking the necessary steps.
When you take steps toward your goals, you are showing the world you are open, and ready.
This is no small thing. Give yourself a pat on the back every time you force yourself to go out to try to meet The One. Even if you come home without meeting anyone, give yourself credit. You are one step closer. You are showing the universe you are ready, and serious and working at it. The universe will come and meet you in the middle when it sees you are serious.
You are also going to meet people who are single like you are. They are your tribe right now. They may know a new hot spot or dating app, or may have a brother they can introduce you to.
Just getting out into the world and meeting people in your tribe makes you feel like you are not alone, that there are other single people out there. It keeps you from despairing. And it helps keep you from working too hard! (Many of my clients are ambitious and work a lot of hours).
One important thing to bear in mind while you are out mingling is that the problem isn’t always that you aren’t meeting the right guys.
Sometimes women are sabotaging things in some way or have a dating strategy that is totally off base.
You may need a dating coach to help put you on the right track.
Some women are just out of a long-term relationship, and they have no clue how to behave, so they scare men off. That is an easy fix. They just need a good dating strategy.
Other women have no idea how to dress for men. They are so busy dressing for their corporate jobs, or dressing for other women, they don’t have the optimum look for dating. That is also an easy fix.
Other fixes that have to do with inner issues are harder to work on. Yet, they are still fixable.
If you need extra help, get in touch and I can tell you about my personalized coaching that has helped many women around the world get into lasting relationships and get married. I also offer exclusive matchmaking services, and a free database option for women.
Have fun getting out there ladies!
For more information contact me at email@example.com
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I give smart successful women tools to weed out time-wasters and teach them how to find their Mr. Rights.