Adventures in Dating

Own Your Situation

When you are out at a speeddating event, or corresponding with a guy online, make sure you OWN IT.
By that, I mean make no excuses for being out and about, trying to find your match, your true love. It's a worthy goal and too many people act as if they are embarrassed to be at a singles event or dating online.

I see the opposite of not owning it all the time, and it's not pretty. It's a turn-off, whether you are a woman or a man.

I have seen this behavior at singles mixers when I hear guys say:

"Oh, I'm here because my friend said I should be here tonight, I didn't even know what this was, he just said I had to show up. So that's the only reason why I'm here."

Or at speeddating events, a woman will say: "I never would have done speeddating. The sole reason I am doing it is because I was at the bar and the organizer told me she was short a person."

Or online, when a guy will say: "What are you doing on Match? Can't you meet people in real life?"

If you are single, and making an effort to meet someone, you need to own it.  Man or woman.
We women know how much we like confident guys. The same is true of them-they like self-assured girlfriends and wives.
Here are five of my tips for being more confident, in general.

1. Looking good cannot be underestimated. If you look good, you feel good. I'm big on working on the inside, but I also believe in spending time making yourself look great on the outside. Makeup, hair, clothes, working out, etc. etc. etc. It's never ending, but it's worth it. It's not shallow.

2. Surround yourself with people who support you. This can be easier said than done. But you have to try to be with people who build you up, who love you, support you. Sometimes it takes time to detach from negative people. But once you have supportive people around you, your life will be so much easier.

3. Eat well. It's so easy to get tripped up here. Tempting high calorie foods and drinks are everywhere.
If you are a sugar addict, like I was, or hooked on some other type of bad food, you may have to quit cold turkey.
If you aren't ready to do that yet, try adding in the good stuff - like a green juice or a large plate of vegetables. Filling up on healthy foods - especially vegetables - causes you to eat less of the bad.
Eating nutritiously cannot be underestimated for reasons going beyond controlling your weight - the right foods can be healing and give you incredible energy.

4. Gratitude lists are huge. They fill you up with good stuff, and get you to focus on the positive. Just as with eating, I suggest adding in the good stuff instead of beating yourself up for having negative thoughts. Either write down the things you are thankful for or check the list off in your head. Or you can download a gratitude app.

5. Act AS IF. Some days, we all want to crawl into a hole. We feel ugly and fat and it's raining and your hair is frizzy. Those are the days to channel your inner movie star. How would Angelina navigate this speeddating event? Faking it til you make it often works.

If you act "as if," eat right, work on the outside and the inside, you will be much more self-assured in the dating world. For more help in these areas - dating, eating healthy, looking good and feeling good - I'm here to help. Contact me at [email protected] or on Twitter at @coachkarenna Let me be your personal trainer for dating!