Men tend to get a bad rap when it comes to being willing to commit to relationships. I’m sure I am not telling you anything new here - many women like to brand men as players, and jerks who simply don’t want to commit.
In my work as a dating coach, I have seen some truth to that stereotype, for sure. But I also have seen that there are a fair amount of men who can and will commit when it’s the right woman. They will commit when they are in love, and especially when a woman gives them space and when she doesn’t try to change them.
I also see another stereotype at play, involving women. Women get pegged as the clingy pursuers who are desperate to get married. While this is another stereotype that can sometimes be true, I have also noticed that many women have commitment issues as well.
Some women are so afraid of intimacy - due to childhood or other issues - they fear settling down. Sometimes they aren’t even aware of what they are doing, and they are on that hamster wheel, frustrated as to why things may not ever be working out in their romantic lives.
They may sabotage relationships time and time again.
Could this be you perhaps?
One of the traits I see in women who are afraid to commit is extreme pickiness about members of the opposite sex.
No one is good enough for them, and they remain single. They are looking for perfection, and can’t seem to find anyone who is good enough for them. Upon closer inspection and discussion with them, I often find that there are underlying fears there. Perhaps an ex hurt them so badly they have never been able to recover. Or their childhood was so dysfunctional they simply don’t believe they can ever find happiness with a man.
Instead of examining their fears, and figuring out a way to move past them, they spend their lives turning away really good guys. Not perfect men, but men who would make them perfectly happy.
Another surprisingly common behavior I see is that women fall for guys who are all wrong for them. What I believe is really happening is they are often recreating a pattern from their childhood, and many times they aren’t even aware of what is going on. A big part of what is going on is fear of commitment. These ladies will never commit to these unavailable men. In fact, these men aren’t in it for the long haul either. So there’s no worry about committing on either side.
The problem is when you date unavailable men you waste a ton of time, and don’t find the love that you truly deserve. Everyone deserves true healthy love, even if you don’t think you deserve it, and even if you think you will never get it based on your past conditioning.
The first step to conquer this issue is to recognize that you have this problem. If you see yourself in any of these examples, ponder the situation a bit. The first step in changing any problem is simply recognizing that there is a problem. Then, you can work on it.
Feel free to reach out to me as well, as I created a special course to help ladies with the crucial inner work, called MAN-ifesting Mr. Forever, which helps ladies with inner blocks that are keeping them stuck.
Ladies, if you feel like you are spinning your wheels and not finding high quality men, the answer could be due to subconscious dating patterns. Apply here to discuss whether I can help you in your search for Mr. Forever.