Birthdays and holidays like Valentine's Day are a big deal! So big. In fact, if a guy you have been dating for a while - say longer than six months - gives you a bad birthday you should thank him! Thank him for showing you his true colors sooner rather than later.
You never want to waste time with a guy who isn't in love with you. Who has one foot out the door. Who prefers a bachelor life to one with commitment and love and marriage. Or who is simply a "buyer beware." A guy in love who sees a future will treat you special on your birthday. Will plan a special dinner, or a weekend away with you, buy you a romantic gift or gifts, and give you a card telling you how much you mean to him. If he can't be there on the day of the birthday, he will send flowers and call. Or send something romantic to let you know he's thinking of you. It’s not necessarily about how much he spends and not necessarily just about gifts. But it’s that when a guy is in love and sees a future, he wants to make you feel special, wants to make you happy. He wants to win you over essentially.
Personally and when working with clients, I have found this to be spot on. Men in love will buy jewelry or other romantic gifts, and will write hand-written cards and send flowers. They will buy things to make you feel special. Tell you how much they care because they want you to feel special. Drive hours to take you to a favorite restaurant or locale that they heard you mention once when you first started dating, for example. They plot and plan because it's so much fun for them to make you happy. They will do all they can to be there on the day of your birthday. After all, you are their girlfriend and especially if it's your first birthday together, they know to make it special. These are the courtships you deserve and the type of men you ladies deserve. Unfortunately not all birthdays turn out the way you would like. Some turn out downright horrible, as in the case of client who gave permission for her story to be used to help others. Basically, she really liked the guy and thought he liked her back. They were together every weekend, had fun Saturday night dinners, and she enjoyed being with him. "Everything seemed to flow easy, it was fun to be with him. He was reliable, nice and made me laugh and I just felt good and comfortable around him." Yet, her birthday came and went and nothing. Later in the day of her birthday the doorbell rang, and she thought it was flowers from him apologizing for not being there. She knew in her heart, she said, that it still wasn’t quite enough as basically he hadn’t planned anything and guys usually will plan these special days out weeks beforehand. It could have taken the sting out. Instead, it was a food delivery. Then, it got worse. She didn't hear from him at all. No text even. No call. WHAT? She thought. "We have been sleeping together for almost one year, what is going on?" The next day she got a friendly Happy Birthday text, which apparently he sent on the day of her birthday but the text didn't make it to her on the day of her birthday because of bad cell reception. "OK, I'm thinking, at least I have a happy birthday text and in the text, he said that we would celebrate the upcoming weekend." But part of her was ready to break up because he essentially skipped her birthday and really left her hanging her whole birthday. "Who does that? Certainly not a serious boyfriend who I’m sleeping with. That’s how a casual friend might handle my birthday.” Then she decided to wait to break up and see what he would plan the upcoming weekend. Maybe she was being rash, she thought. Maybe he had a surprise. He had a lot on his plate, maybe he hadn't been able to plan anything and was going to make up for it. Maybe there would be a special "celebration" like he had mentioned in the text. "The upcoming weekend comes, and in the car on the way to the date he hands over two bags, 🛍 and that was the celebration." "The gifts were nice and romantic, yet no card. No celebration." “Oh I think he did ask me ‘did you have a nice birthday? Did you have a cake?’ and I wanted to say something right there but I didn’t.” "It's not about being a diva, it's just that I wanted to know that I meant something to him and it was clear that the birthday was an afterthought, that I was an afterthought. That the 'celebration' was just a word that wasn't backed up with any actions." "I had already been planning all the intricate things I wanted to do for his birthday, the special things I wanted to buy, which restaurant I wanted to buy him dinner at (yes I'm a believer in an old-fashioned courtship, where the guy pays and asks me out, and moves things forward, yet a birthday is an exception and I was actually looking forward to buying him dinner and making it special for him, and it was in such stark contrast to what he did for me.") She said she is glad she learned sooner rather than later that this guy wasn't in it for the long haul. And he wasn't. They broke up soon after. So ladies, the signs are there. Sometimes it's confusing, like in the above case, where she did get a romantic gift in the end, but considering all the other circumstances surrounding the birthday - acknowledgement of her birthday coming after the actual birthday, and even then it was lackluster and a bit cold. No birthday plans, no card, no flowers. No "celebration," as he had promised. "It felt like he was doing the bare minimum to keep me around, not sure for what." Sometimes the way to get a reading on a relationship is to wait for a birthday or special occasion like Valentine’s Day. These occasions can tell you a lot without even asking. Can anyone relate? Did you ever get a lackluster birthday the first year of dating? If so, how did the relationship go? What about the opposite? Did you ever get a great birthday and how did the relationship progress?
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I give smart successful women tools to weed out time-wasters and teach them how to find their Mr. Rights.