A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty - Winston Churchill
I talk to many ladies who are feeling despair over their dating and relationship life. Either they are frustrated that their boyfriend is not treating them right, or they are single and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, or they are feeling a loss of hope over a whole host of other factors.
With the holiday season in full swing, emotions can be magnified. It’s a beautiful time of the year - but if you aren’t in a good place it can be easy to sink into hopelessness.
I want to share something inspirational I just came across, something a friend texted me once, and it was so beautiful and helpful, I cut and pasted it and put it aside in a special folder of inspiring words.
I had been trying to get my business off the ground, but suffered a few setbacks in my business early on. Nothing out of the ordinary, but difficult nonetheless for someone who had no business, marketing or sales background. I was passionate about coaching, and was going to make it work, but that didn’t mean there weren’t trying times in the beginning.
Here’s are the words from a friend that made all the difference:
Be especially grateful for the really difficult moments. The really dark ones, when you start to question everything, that challenge you the most. It will really force you to become comfortable with being uncomfortable and learn to trust.
Always stay open and never say never. As you change and evolve as a person, your whole worldview can shift and change in an instant.
Just like these words touched me, I’m sure they will touch those of you who might be suffering a setback or difficulty of any kind - be it dating-related or in any part of your life.
How you react to your failures and setbacks is what will make or break you.
It might be hard to see when you are in the situation, but this is true. So embrace the failures. Stay as positive as you can throughout them. Just know - have faith - that you will get through it. Because you know what? You will.
This kind of thing is so hard to see in the moment, but if you can stick it out and have faith even in the darkest times, you will prevail. Giving up, and not learning from your setbacks and failures will keep you stuck.
When I look back at my business setbacks, and see them now through a different lens, I see how they propelled me much further ahead in my business, although I never would have thought so at the time.
The same can be said about any failure you may be dealing with: A relationship that had promise but simply failed. Or a broken off engagement. Or any romantic setback you regard as a failure.
Don’t let it get you down. Don’t let it make you cynical about love. Don’t let it cause you to give up totally on men. If you keep getting out there, using that mistake as a teaching lesson, you will be much better off than you were before.
Say, for example, your ex broke off your engagement, and you are shattered beyond belief. You are ready to crawl into a hole, declare all men jerks and live with your cats forever. Maybe that is how you feel initially, but you need to keep moving and also see your role in any equation. When you play the victim and when you don’t look on the bright side, you stay stuck.
It really comes down to a choice.
View that failure or setback in a way that will help you grow. Or view it in a woe is me way, which will keep you stuck.
It’s my experience that when something isn’t working, it’s best to let it go. It’s the universe saying: “This isn’t working. Let it go. Let’s make room for something else.”
Depending on the situation, it could be that the person was all wrong for you. Maybe they were simply a buyer beware who was going to hurt you even more in the future. Or it could be that you were all wrong, that you need to change - perhaps you are a negative person and were repelling the man you were involved with by constant nagging.
It’s hard to see any rejection or loss in the moment as a positive, but there is often a silver lining, and these rejections are often gifts if you are willing to look at them in that light.
It doesn’t mean you bury any problems, or ignore problems. It’s important to keep your eyes open and see what your role is in any situation. But try to see the silver lining, because there usually is a silver lining.
Ladies, if you are struggling with an issue related to dating, relationships or life this holiday season, APPLY HERE for a complimentary call to discuss ways I can help you.