I am a coach for women so I write from that perspective on my social media pages. My coaching is geared to helping women with bettering their dating lives, making their relationships happier.
I think men are great. I have brothers, who I love, and good male friends, many of whom I talk to about their struggles with dating.
While talking to a good friend of mine - one I have known for decades - I realized how confused he and other men are in this day and age of dating.
My friend says he was brought up to be chivalrous but he's not sure women want him to be that way.
He lives and works in the tri-state area, and said he was recently holding a door open for a woman and she told him: "I know how to open a door."
She walked away from him to another set of doors and opened them herself. I imagine that this woman acts similar in relationships.
My friend said this incident isn't an isolated case, it's happened before to him and his friends.
I think a lot of men out there are confused about what women want. I know many of the ladies reading this believe in courtship, and want a respectful man who believes in courtship. They want to be with a man who picks them up, drives to their area for dates, brings flowers or other romantic gifts, pays for dates, and moves the relationship forward.
But not all women want that. Some women want to be the same as the man in the relationship, which is where relationships get massively screwed up. (Women should be equal to men, but we are NOT the same as men).
They think it's OK while dating to meet him halfway or on his turf. To split the bill or pay for him. To make the dinner plans and plan all the vacations. (When married things change and of course a woman can make dinner plans then and have dinner at his house etc etc. What I’m talking about now is dating and courtship.) They think they should buy him gifts, do work around his house to make his life easier, help him with problems in his home life and at work, and move the relationship forward. (Again, these women are just dating the guy, they aren't even engaged or married and they are acting like a wife). Many women do this in the beginning of the relationship, and they end up in relationships that are practical, boring and often end up disastrous. With absolutely no spark. If it does turn into a long term thing, such as marriage, it's like they are friends living together. Women in these scenarios have complained to me: "Well, he never buys me romantic gifts," or "He never makes any important decisions about the relationship," or "He never moves anything forward, it's always me moving things forward."
You can't have it both ways unfortunately. You can't be the aggressor early on, and then expect a guy to all of a sudden take the lead.
Thankfully most of the women on this page understand this.
Sometimes the women I work with find that men naturally know how to court. But other times, they may not. So don't automatically “next” a guy who asks to meet halfway, or who tries to cook you dinner at his house on a third date. Some men are spoiled by women who drive to him, hang out at his house on a first or second date, sleep with him right away and more.
Also, a guy may not be as chivalrous as we would like: They may not open doors, or make sure your water glass is full at dinner, or walk around to your side of the car to help you out.
The best you can do is train them on the more serious things, and let the other things go. If it's a safety thing, it's something you shouldn't let go. If a guy is dropping you off at your house and leaving before you get inside, you need to mention it, as it's truly life and death. If he has no idea it's a nice thing to fill your water glass at dinner or pull out your chair so you can sit before him, let that go.
When it comes to other key aspects of dating, like meeting a man halfway, or driving to his house for dinner on a third date, you obviously need to stand your ground. Some men need to be trained in these areas as well because they have been so spoiled by other women. Men who really like you, will figure out what they need to do to see you. The ones who aren't that crazy about you, will fall off, but that's a good thing because it's leaving you space for your Mr. Right to fill!
So moral of this story is that not all men are jerks! Some are confused about courtship, so keep that in mind. The little things don't matter much, but yes, you may have to train him on the bigger things. A guy who likes you will easily be trained. And the less ardent ones fall off.
I give smart successful women tools to weed out time-wasters and teach them how to find their Mr. Forevers.