Having the "Where's This Going" Talk

A man must take the lead in a romantic relationship. He must push a relationship forward.

But what if you’ve been together for one year, and he hasn’t brought up a serious future with you?  I was interviewed about this topic once by “Bustle,” an online woman's magazine, and countless women have asked my advice on this topic.

A "Where's This Going?" convo can give you clarity so you can move on, one way or the other.

I’ll explain how to do this. Ideally, it's better if the guy brings up the future so you don't have to, as it's not the easiest thing for a woman to do. As one client said to me, "It's like I'm asking him to commit to me or marry me. It feels weird."

BUT, if a relationship goes on for too long and you don't know a guy's intentions, you have to ask. You don't want to waste time in a relationship going nowhere. Each situation is unique so I can't tell you exactly when to have "the talk." A good guideline is around one year, or even less. Men know very soon in a relationship whether they see a serious future with you.

Sometimes it does take the threat of losing you for a man to be sure. You have to be prepared to move on either way. If a man can't commit in a year, something's off. When you have to give “the talk,” you calmly say something like, ”I've enjoyed our time together, but I'm wondering where this is going?" Depending on what he says, you have your answer.  If he says something like, “Just having fun, no regrets, nothing bad, seeing how it goes," which was the response one lady got when she asked her boyfriend where things were going, it's a bad sign.

It takes a lot for a woman to ask that question, and a man who cares and sees a future will say positive things. He may mention how much he has enjoyed his time with you as well, and how he sees a future, too. When you get a less than stellar response, tell the guy, "I don't want to date much longer without a future." And then move on, unless the guy does a 360 and apologizes for being callous and says, ”You caught me off guard. I do see a future with you. You're special, and you mean a lot to me."

There will be variations, as every couple is different and every guy is different, but basically, a man who sees a future behaves in certain ways. If it's like pulling teeth, you want to move on to a man who makes love easy.