When I was a gung-ho journalist in my 20s, getting a master's degree in journalism from Columbia University, I had no idea I would become a dating coach someday. In fact, I had no idea dating coaches even existed.
But in my late 20s, I remember being frustrated because I wasn't able to find that special connection with a man. I was to blame, in part, because I had my own commitment fears, and I seemed to attract similar men.
But luckily, I learned about courtship around this time, and my whole life changed. I write more about this, on the Positively Positive blog, explaining how dating helped me evolve into my higher self.
Around this time, I became a dating coach to help other women, teaching them about the benefits of modern date courtship.
Check the blog out, and let me know what you think!
Tinder and other online dating sites can work like a charm.
In fact, approximately 80 percent of my clients have met boyfriends and husbands on Tinder, Match, Coffee Meets Bagel, Plenty of Fish, and other apps. Others have met through friends or real life.
Many women are still confused and making mistakes online, though. One area where women mess up is in their bios.
If you put the wrong stuff out there to the Tinder universe, you won't get the right stuff (Mr. Right) back.
Here are 5 things NOT to do:
💋 Don't include photos of you with anyone else.
Leave out photos of you with other friends (male or female). Eliminate family members (kids or parents or grandparents). Don't post snaps with your pets. Men want to see you, and only you. So many men tell me it drives them crazy when they see photos of women posing along with several others. Besides being confusing, it kills the mystery.
💋Don't write about what you don't want.
When you write about what you don't want on Tinder, you put out negative energy. When you say: "If you're a player, go away," men start to wonder what it is about your personality that attracts players. You also sound damaged, whether or not you are. Plus, even when you say you don't want a player, a player can still ask you out.
💋Don't include old photos in your profile.
Even nice men have told me they cut dates short when a woman misrepresents herself. Make sure you look awesome in your photos, as great as you would look on a date or on a night out on the town. You can put photos through a filter, but don't alter the photos too much.
💋 Don't show men a window into your soul too soon.
These men are strangers. Don't write a book. There are only a few details you need to include, such as age and locale, and a few hobbies and interests.
You can include your profession, but it's best to be general so men can't track you down too easily. You might even want to consider using an "online dating' name. It could be a middle name or a nickname. This keeps you somewhat anonymous, which is what you want in the beginning, until you know you're with a good guy. If you include your dating history, deep wants and desires, work triumphs, and major life epiphanies, you're oversharing. Your profile will start to sound like a Lifetime movie. At this early stage, think: "Short, sweet and upbeat."
💋 Don't lie about your age.
You want a man who wants someone who is your age. When I was a matchmaker, I was doing a search for a client who was 10 years younger, using my own profile, and listed my age as 10 years younger. After we stopped working together I forgot to change the age on that profile, and I ended up meeting and dating a man who approached me online. Even though we dated for many months, something was off about that relationship. I truly feel he would have been weeded out from Day 1 if I had listed my correct age.
One final tip: You need to be in it to win it, so make sure you try online dating.
If you'd like more online dating help, you can purchase an online dating package from me for $249, where I critique one online dating profile (photo and text). The package also includes 30 minutes of phone or email/text follow up.
Email email@example.com to sign up for that package, and write ONLINE DATING PACKAGE in the subject line.
I get it. I've been there. You're a busy smart woman with a full life who isn't sure she even has time to date.
Dating online and in real life— setting up profiles, responding to messages, attending singles-type events, and actually going on dates — can be like another full-time job.
This is why it's important to have a dating strategy.
If you follow these 3 essential tips, you will weed out time wasters very fast.
First of all:
1. Let a man ask you out first. Men know what they like. They have types. If they aren't moving a relationship forward by asking you out, cut your losses and move on to the one who asks you out.
2. Hold out for Saturday night dates. If a man isn't with you on Saturday nights, it means he's on the prowl for someone else or with someone else. (Exceptions are for work and family situations). Not all men get courtship — they may be spoiled — in which case you can subtly train a man to ask you out for Saturday night.
3. Don't see a man again if he asks you to pay or split the bill. When a man is very interested in you, and he's a good guy, he will pay. He will want to woo and impress you, and paying for you is a big part of this. A man who feels that special thing for a woman wants to provide and protect her. He wants to feed her.
If a man makes it through all these three hoops after several consistent Saturday night dates, this means you have a serious contender.
One of the most common questions I get from women is: "Where are the good single men?" These women don't just want any man, of course. But they want a cute guy who they have a connection with. They want to be in a relationship where there's a spark and where the relationship flows. They want to be loved and cherished by a good man.
It can seem like a tall order, for sure.
But men are everywhere. The good ones may be harder to find, but they're there. I tell ladies to do everything they can. Singles oriented events, as well as online dating sites are sure bets. If you're single and committed to finding a committed partner, you may have to make this search for Mr. Right a full-time job (or at least a side job).
Ask friends to set you up. Get into matchmaking databases. Mingle as much as possible. Go to events where you will be in the swim of things. Attend events where men go, like the car show in NYC.
You still have time to get there. It runs through this weekend and it's raining men for sure. Just go go go. He's out there. The world is abundant. You'll find him. Just keep at it. xoxo, Karenna
Today I would love to hear from you!
Post below, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let it all out.
I am doing market research so I can create blogs and courses to target the problems facing my clients and fans.
Are you tired of getting stood up on coffee dates, like this beautiful lady? Are you not getting any dates at all? Are the men out there unappealing?
Or are you getting great guys, but losing them just as fast?
Or is it something else?
The more I know about what your needs are, the more I can write blogs to help, and create courses to target exactly what you need.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
There are clothing items men love on women and this particular item is one of them.
This blog was inspired by a client who said her husband LOVED the camis I picked out for her.
I sent her lace ones, a leopard one and a variety of other styles.
I will share links below to a variety of styles that can work for you too.
(Note, this blog is time sensitive in that these links won't work forever, as stores will be updating their inventory. If you need more links, feel free to email me, email@example.com)
The beautiful thing about camis is they work year round. In colder months, wear a cardigan.
They also work with jeans or a dressier bottom. They are extremely versatile and super sexy!
Whether you are single and looking for a man or in a serious relationship or marriage, dressing hot will keep your man drooling.
Here’s a leopard cami from Bloomingdales. This would work great with black leather pants and heels.
This cami works in pretty much every color shown, just make sure it works with your coloring.
A basic black one with a little lace is always sexy:
For an extra special night, when you want a little sparkle:
Here’s another sexy sequin number (less pricey than the one above):
Here’s a very cute lace trim cami. All colors shown are great!
Would love to hear how your man reacts when you wear one of these items!
GUEST POST: Here is a post written by fellow dating coach, Ashley Phillips, who has great tips for how to overcome those blocks and fears so you can find true love.
My dad, a gruff biker dude who has a way with words, once said: “Don’t half ass it. If you are going to do it, use your whole damn ass!” Of course, everyone in the room broke out into a wild laughter. It was funny to hear but the insight was ingenious: if you are going to do something put your whole self into it. This funny saying stuck with me so well that I turned it into an affirmation I’ve used in 2017 and 2018: “I whole ass everything, with joy.” It’s a good affirmation because it is relevant and sticks with me—there is emotion behind it. I utilized this affirmation with my dating life.
In 2017 I decided, after a torturous relationship, to do the Rules 100% to the letter. I decided it would be like a religion to me because I was sick of either being hurt or spinning my wheels. A journal-junkie by nature, I took out my trusty Moleskine and pen and noted EVERY rule I’ve broken with this last relationship. I was ruthless. I wanted it to really sink in that my “half assing” the Rules led to a preventable pain-fest. I needed to FEEL it in my bones. Why did I feel so compelled to break so many rules? Why was I not, as my dad would say, using my “whole ass?”
I told myself that I had an abundance mindset and that I didn’t care if I was single or not but I kept making excuses and breaking rules. Turns out I, deep down, still had lingering fear that this was as good as it gets and that I don’t deserve more. That The Rules only worked for other girls, not me. That I would be alone if I was super strict.
Because it was hard for me to realize this I went with more subversive tactics over the years: sabotaging by being picky, breaking little rules, or throwing them out completely due to reason X, Y, or Z. I was making my fears come true—I was getting crumby dating outcomes because I thought I deserved crumby dating outcomes. Of course, because I thought I deserved it I acted like it and men picked up on it. Yikes!
So, how do you wade through the subconscious muck to fix the issue?
I’ve developed the Three “Is” system for overcoming blocks to “whole-assing” dating.
Write down your last few dating experiences and every rule you broke. Be ruthless. Even if it is that you didn’t brush your hair on a first date or have unflattering pictures on your Facebook. Leave nothing out. I know it is painful but this step is crucial.
Overcoming the block of fear can be pretty epic. However, it can be done! It starts with confronting your worst fears.
I suggest writing your answer down in your journal so you can track your progress. Really go into detail about your deepest fears regarding The Rules. Are you afraid that if you are too strict you’ll weed out every man in existence? That it is only for thinner/younger/taller/shorter/older women? That there are no good men left out there so you’ll just waste your time and be single forever?
For example: I was afraid that if I did The Rules too strictly I will face a never-ending series of rejections and men making fun of me because I had no right to act like I deserved that treatment. I feared that the series of rejections would be painful and I’d just be tortured endlessly until I was alone and miserable.
When I took a hard look at my fear it dawned on me that the worst thing that could happen was that I ended up single. Maybe a bunch of strangers making rude comments or not texting back was bad but I really didn’t care that much. Turns out my worst fear was being single—yet I was single at the time and doing just fine. My actual worst fear was ending up with a terror of man and that didn’t even factor into my Rules compliance. The fear suddenly dropped and I was able to allow myself to take more risks. Remember: you are strong and have been through a lot worse. You can survive your worst-case scenario.
I highly suggest the use of affirmations to build up your new Rules story. Affirmations can subtly change your thinking so that eventually you replace old thought patterns with better thought patterns. I used Rules-oriented affirmations every morning for two years and it was really helpful. I found myself saying it to myself in dressing room mirrors when trying on a daring black skirt hand-picked by Karenna! It works!
I also suggest you take one area of The Rules you’ve been holding back on: online dating, wearing hotter clothing, or not texting back and take massive inspirational action in a Rules-direction. If you have been rejecting every guy who asks you out on three dates you may challenge yourself to date every (safe) guy who asks you out within three messages. Barring safety red-flags, go no matter what. Force yourself to enjoy the occasion. That doesn’t mean fall in love, be his best friend, or date him again. Just go and enjoy connecting with another human being.
Just pick one area and face your fears.
Things are scary until you do them and then they are not.
Traveling alone to Europe is scary until you do it and survive. Starting graduate school was scary for me until about a semester in when I realized I survived. Trying a new exercise can be daunting until it isn’t.
Taking action can change your life. Want proof? Here is how my 3-steps ended:
I chronically fell off the map with many guys who asked me out within three messages. I decided that I was going to say “yes” to any guy who asked me out respectfully within three messages no matter what. Also, I decided to be a complete babe (carefree and sweet) and totally Rules-y so that I could enjoy myself no matter what happened.
I agreed to a drink date with a guy who had one old picture on his profile and wrote me a novel the first two messages. He asked me out in the second and third messages. At first he asked me for lunch on a weekday (no, I’m busy) and then weekend. I was weary because he had one old picture and wrote novels for messages. I decided to “whole-ass” it and go. I wore a fitted knee-length black tank dress under a fitted denim jacket and knee-high boots with hoop earrings and a big gold watch. I was going all-in so I decided to look like I was all-in for a casual drink-date.
I went, had a good time though he seemed shy and nervous, and thought he’d never message me again. It was a great time but he seemed really uncomfortable (turns out it was nerves). He asked me out again the next day. I was hesitant but went.
I’m glad I did because I ended up marrying him.
If you'd like to try out some well-tested affirmations that will help you go all in with dating sign up for Ashley’s mailing list and receive a free pdf.
Ladies, join my Hot Stuff training coming up two weeks from today.
The training starts Sunday March 24 and goes through Tuesday, March 26.
As you know, dating is an inner and outer game, but for purposes of this FREE training, we will focus on the outer game.
After all, for a man to fall in love with your insides, he needs to be attracted to your outsides. This is the basis for a romantic courtship to develop.
You don't need to be present live, everything will be saved in the Facebook group, where you will be able to ask questions throughout the training.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org or look for the Facebook group, called "Hot Stuff," that is run by me, and request to join.
See you ladies there!
And don't forget: Heels, hoops, long hair, don’t leave home without them.
Single ladies, don't give up! I have exciting engagement news for you all!
My client Mariah - who is a member of my private coaching group called "It Girls of the World,"- just got engaged to a great guy!
They met about one year ago!
She wants all you ladies to know it's possible for you too!!
You just need the right tools and the right strategy, and it will happen.
“The best part is that he is loving and caring all the time. I am so happy! Thank you so much Karenna! I’m grateful every day for that group...I hope you know how much impact you have on people’s lives!”
He liked her from the first time he saw her, and made the first move.
She began working with me a few months after meeting him. There were all sorts of situations that she needed help navigating. "I found Karenna and she helped me so much during the next dating stages."
Throughout their courtship, it was clear to me this guy truly loved her. He consistently asked her out for every weekend, introduced her to his family, planned special occasions in advance, and bought her romantic gifts all the time.
She also did her part, respecting the differences between men and women, acting feminine and being her higher self. She also paced the relationship, which is difficult to do, but when a woman does this, she can create life-changing results.
After about one year, he took her ring shopping and now they are planning a wedding!
All you smart successful single ladies out there who are succeeding in every area of your life, except your love life, you will want to listen to this video.
Those aggressive tendencies that are crucial to propelling you forward in your career are hurting you in your romantic life. But not in the way you think.
Take a listen, above, and tell me what you think.
And remember, mugs matter!
This is dating after all.
If you want to hear me talk about this topic live, I’ll be back on Star 99.9 with Anna & Raven Monday at 8:40 a.m. giving Anna and Raven tips about online dating profile photos.
Tune in below.
To learn more about how I can help you get off that hamster wheel and find lasting love, here are the different ways you can work with me: https://www.karennaalexander.com/coaching.html
I give smart successful women tools to weed out time-wasters and teach them how to find their Mr. Rights.